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[Music]

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go ahead say something babe test test so glad to be here nice this is what we

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call sarcasm

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[Music]

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folks welcome to how I see it with me Mark Pratt and Justin Sternberg this is

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a podcast that works to countercultural polarization through

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thoughtful [Music] conversations hello and welcome to how I

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see it um this is an exciting one for us it is our first episode with guests

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illustrious guests and my uh one of those guest is texting me right now uh

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that's what you're hearing the ding that would be my wife texting me saying go get ready um but I'm recording this

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real quick to just tell you we're really excited to have Chris and Megan join us Megan being my wife Chris being Mark's

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wife and we have a really great conversation um it does get split up into two parts so this will be part one

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this week and we'll have part two next week just because it got a little long um but yeah we're looking forward to

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having you meet um our better halves and I hope you enjoy the conversation as

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much as we did

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exactly that's that's what I'm saying not we're not reporting anything are we no I don't know what all this

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is what's these microphones for so the questions I guess I'm thinking about

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people who don't know us like what do they want to know about you guys and why

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why are we doing this you know like what's the yeah I think I think part of it too if I may say was um we know we

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want to have have guests yes on the podcast and in all honesty I I would say

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Justin and I aren't who we are without you guys so even in that process

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recording yeah even in the process though of being not

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s that's humor that's humor okay but in all honesty being able to

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recognize that that would be a part of who we'd want to be able to have a podcast with first out of a honor for

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you know you guys being able to influence who we are so I guess in some

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ways that being said how did you guys meet me Chris

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no we me a we yeah we met so by us guys yes

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he's talking about Megan and Justin Megan and Justin yes M we met a long

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long time ago in a galaxy far away yes very far away in

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Minnesota yep we met in fifth and sixth grade wow I we both came through into the

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school halfway through the year yeah you shortly before me yeah and when I came

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all the kids picking on me and start of picking on you wow they said that I was

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perfect for Justin because I was a nerd like him so from the beginning jok on

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them we were meant to be I never knew that though until years later that they

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said that did you notice the shift when kids started picking on or you they didn't

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pick on I oh okay they just I don't know why they just said that one thing right

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yeah just the one thing I think that we were just joking I have big old glasses picking on us but and big permed hair

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yeah W so and I had come from you know we talked about home

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school before yes an emotional intelligence well I was that kid I came

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from like I was in a hes School environment and like I for real my emotional intelligence was a little bit

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I wasn't used to being around kids so I was a little bit awkward and a little bit nerdy socially aware not quite right

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exactly and so I think the kids kind of picked up on that and I wasn't quite in

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the cool group so when Megan came through the door they're like H she's going to be your

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girlfriend so you know it's not exactly uh it wasn't necessarily meant to be prophetic or kind it was more of a jab

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but wow I don't know what they saw I just saw beautiful blonde flowing in the

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wind I don't think so maybe attracted to your glasses yeah intelligence he does

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remind me that I wore really ugly BR dress the first day of school so that's

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true yeah that's how we started well the neat part is you remember it yeah you

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remember what she wore the minute she walked through the door huh right wow yes mesmerized

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yes how about you guys how' you mean go ahead bab so our story is very different

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true that's good we often say we wish we knew each other earlier in life cuz we 24 25 yeah maybe even 26 I might have

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been but yeah either way so we were we were kind of set up and produced by a

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mutual friend it was supposed to be a blind date and you can you can make any

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additions it's all good you need it's all good and so we had set up a blind date and talked on the phone and I came

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to the conclusion that he was a farmer from our conversation cuz he was talking about milking cows and going to the barn

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so you were a farmer I was a carpenter who grew up in a farming family okay so

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I was well aware with the farming industry and it you know I would help out my grandparents like when family

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members got sick I would go in and mil cows and that kind of thing and even a bunch of the construction I was doing

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was you know repairing silos and ons and so yeah it was I was grew up

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very much this is brand new information for me actually yeah oh yeah this is definitely a long time ago in that

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Galaxy this is my galaxy far away and it does impact how I see it yeah for sure

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sorry Chris I didn't no that's okay and so um we talked on the phone we had set

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up a date and I backed out at the last minute cancelled because I thought he

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was a farmer and I did not not want to have any part of being a farmer's wife

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no offense to Farmers no offense to Farmers my best friend my roommate in college married a farmer and I knew how

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much it tied her down like they had to milk the cows twice a day they couldn't vacation you know a lot

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of life things that I really knew I didn't want and so including the odors

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well yes yes the ones that Mark brought with him or yes so yeah so you want to take it

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from there oh no that's you did fine yeah that was that was definitely how we met we were well technically we never

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met yeah we never met I believe believe it or not I met Chris's brother and

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father at a promisekeepers convention oh prior to Chris and I ever meeting and

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the mutual friend who introduced Chris and I actually introduced me to Chris's

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father at a promisekeepers event long before and unbeknownst to me he said that's the that's a guy from Chris

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that's a guy for Chris so I think he had been working on it since then and then I

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was working with like um I was working with our youth group at the time and so

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I would take you know kids from our youth group up to this venue they called it Family Life Ministries for like you

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know events s you know concerts and stuff like that so I got to know this

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other individual Von's Name by you know bringing her kids and I got to know him and that's how him and I struck it off

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and then yeah he uh he he invited Chris and I after the date situation to be

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counselors at a youth camp so that was that was where we actually first met was

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at the youth camp and I chuckle a little bit because it was funny I I'll let you explain that part of the story so the

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the first day of camp of course everybody introduces everybody and so I

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was teaching and then they this is Mark Pratt and he's a carpenter like H I thought he was a

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farmer and so there was a little miscommunication there was like H maybe I should reconsider this and so really

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we met that was the first day we met yeah was the first day of camp so yeah yeah so yeah that was and if Mark won't

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tell you this part but he was dating somebody else at the same at the time and so it it took a little while for

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that all to fizzle out and then that is another how I see it yeah so where I I wouldn't consider us

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dating but yeah it's it's that's a that's a how I see it moment and that's good it's a it's a part of our it's a

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part of our past but yes so the real irony of course is that oh yeah that's true you know we just bought a farm yeah

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yes and we have chickens in our backyard and with the plans to have goats yep and

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yeah beef cattle maybe I don't know yeah and all the smells and all the smells I mean 25 years later and you're Garden

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I'm going to be married to a farmer yeah you're a farmer that's fun oh

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yes I think yeah you're married to a farmer it might make you a farmer I she prefers Gardener she is a I'm okay with

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a farmer's wife I don't know if I consider myself a farmer yeah all right so yeah same team high five yeah they

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just High fived folks yes so it's funny you mention like Mark

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I guess dating or being you know what what would you call it Mark you said you said I don't know if I had interest I

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had a female friend that I would run with so like you know it was an exercise

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partner type thing but I don't I would consider it a dating relationship but that's that's how I see it right right

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so yeah I'm I'm not even 100 and you're welcome to interject I'm not even 100% sure what made you think it was a quote

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unquote girlfriend other than time spent together yeah I think that's what kind of defines relationship is how much time

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you spend together yeah so yeah yeah I can respect that too yeah and I guess

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looking in on that it would be I mean you wouldn't necessarily see an opening probably right like ah yeah yeah from

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Chris's perspective yeah you kind of make some assumptions about where it's probably heading or where like he's a

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farmer right that's an assumption that's true based on well and and to be honest

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me Camp ended and I was kind of hoping you'd call me

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oh Mark and he didn't I didn't he didn't and so our friend V had to hey

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Mark think you should and that and that is in part true I mean it's very true

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and how I see it is once I found out about the Farmer part I was I thought

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she was a little snobby oh yeah you know it's like that you know that was the impression that I got and it's not true

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but that was still the impression that I got it's like okay you know that's fascinating I mean yeah she's still

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fascinating it's fascinating that we really ended up together after all these Mis miscommunications or mis miscues

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miscues yeah yeah misinterpretation even well I mean it is it is I guess fascinating ironic how the the term how

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I see it plays so well into those relational like Beginnings right like y

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yeah it's very interesting yeah it's funny you kind of bring up the like Mark having someone or whatever

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and kind of cuz that's kind of a sticking point in our beginnings oh well

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it's not really sticking point but it's like you you still get what what did she still get how's it

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go what is the word to describe he's justtin thinking real hard on this she still like pokes my ribs a few times

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about like you had girlfriends I didn't so I didn't have

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girlfriends no I was the first uh romantic relationship you had so unless

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you got my kindergarten boyfriend which I do so the truth comes out he wasn't

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really a boyfriend though we just liked each other did that end with your moving away did you have to move away from your

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kindergarten boyfriend no oh I mean I was just I was hoping there was a heartbreak written all over this story

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as you enter fifth grade no not at all

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which I don't I I don't know if you want to bring this up but I'll bring it up Mark is actually engaged before Oh

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that's true too before we met and so not to the running partner different not to the running partner no that's true

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that's true and so that brought a whole new Dynamic of insecurities or yeah you

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comparison and you know thought he was just a simple farmer but girls on every

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side that's not exactly true but yeah and I and I think going back to your

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original statement of wishing we had met prior to I think that's a part of it if

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we could have met in in some ways a similar fashion to you guys I think it would have been different because I

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think even I can remember times at camp there was definitely opportunity to talk

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with other female counselors and I can remember a certain reactivity that you would have to that you know that was

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very understandable based on what you had experienced you know and I think

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that you know we bring that at times into relationship and I think that's what you know can make

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marriage difficult um for many people not just us but you know that process of

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sometimes what I'm dealing with with today what we're Chris and I are dealing with today I might have very little to

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do with who Chris is MH but today yes but it has everything to do with where I

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came from and my interaction with other female you know females or or even males

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for that matter but you know it just impacts who I am and those insecurities that you talk about can can tend to come

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bubbling to the surface and well popping to the surface even you know right right

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so yeah that's a that's a great point because it did yeah there was definitely no doubt that having been engaged in and

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and even being um I would call it cheated on you know that affected my

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ability to trust Chris early on you know and I think that might even have added

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to that aloofness that I might have you know demonstrated early on when it's

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like okay if that's if I'm not for you then say yeah you know and I think that

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was definitely sure true in those Dynamics so yeah thanks for uh thanks for sharing that bringing that up I I'd

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honestly I didn't know where you were going but yeah and there again it comes back to you know impacts how I see it

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based on where I come from and how our individual circumstances play into this

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marital relationship and other you know romantic relationships and and I think

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is we talked about even the fense sometimes I think that's a that's a good thing for younger for our kids young

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adult kids to be mindful of how how um

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important relationships can be and and choosing people having people in my life

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that I can do life well withh versus those that you know I'm setting myself

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up cuz I know this person is is n necessarily the best choice for me but I

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you know need to be with someone so then I you know make that choice and I think you know that's if there's anything that

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someone could learn from us I would say you know choose relationships carefully because you know sure even in

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the best of circumstances you're not always guaranteed that that person will be the

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one yeah even in a Christian context I mean you can't just because someone's a Christian doesn't mean that you can

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trust who you know relationally that it's the best person for you sure it's

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not necessarily God or name not Health it doesn't mean it doesn't promise a healthy relationship that's true yeah

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very true yeah yeah so

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um one interesting question that well I I think it's interesting and is this

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idea of you guys I guess sitting on the sidelines as we're doing this podcast

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say oh boy you know that kind of thing or like or yeah whatever it is like you

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think about uh Us in the basketball court of you know the court being the podcast and you guys watching and

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listening on or even cheering us on or even coaching us I'm curious just kind

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of your initial thoughts about the whole thing like is it a fun team to cheer for

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do you feel like sometimes you're uh you know it's like you you want to coach a little more I was just curious your

18:28
thoughts on it ter Meg you want to start first or do you start I mean I don't I

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can start go ahead I just feel like in the best way Justin just loves going

18:41
deeper and talking about things and having a having someone to share with so

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I just really appreciate you and Mark's relationship and just that you both love to talk and

18:53
now you're talking and recording it and so I think all of that is just exactly what you you should be

19:00
doing so I think that I am cheering for you in that respect and I'm just very

19:07
different than you in in the fact of like I don't want to broadcast everything that I say you know like I

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just I I'm not like that at all so um I don't

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understand um I mean I I understand because I know you why you want to do it

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but um it's not like I'm like this is the best thing ever um let me be a part

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of let me be asked to speak on the podcast I pick me pick me you know but

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but at the same time like I just think like you're getting to hash out a lot of things in your head and you're getting

19:43
like your cup filled just by talking with Mark and so I appreciate that part

19:49
about it very much

19:54
cool yeah MH what are your thoughts Bab well when you first when you first

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mentioned podcast I thought H this will be fun to

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listen to and and I will say the um now question is that sarcasm

20:13
no not sarcasm that is truth but the way you interact with one another is is

20:19
really wonderful the Friendship really comes through which I think is good and I you've been meeting together for a

20:26
long time you know true um and it's good kind of get it a a little peek into what

20:32
you guys talk about talk about so that's fun um and then the

20:38
other thing that came to mind earlier this week was that Mark has been Mark has a way of praying for things without

20:43
really telling me that he's praying for things and the farm was an example of that and then he's been praying about

20:51
expanding his influence and if you know Marky is very

20:56
structured with his time not a lot of margin with his time some would say calculate some would say and

21:04
that would be an accurate description and I'd be okay with that description and so when you talk about expanding

21:09
your influence in my mind I'm thinking okay when is that going to happen and how's that what's that going to look like and so as you guys started the

21:17
podcast I thought maybe this is one of God's answers to that prayer it's like he can influence in a this way that is

21:25
different from what we maybe we had pictured M but it's still an answer to

21:30
prayer maybe MH so yeah I think Justin for years like when we were younger just

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always wanted to share his wisdom with everybody and he did like every conversation he was just

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constantly talking and then he realized somewhere down the line like oh like not

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everybody wants to hear what I have to say and not realizing I didn't have as

21:55
much wisdom as well yes but even though you do have like you just all of a

22:02
sudden got wise to you know kind of waiting for invitations to impart wisdom and then it

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means more and um and so this is a way to like say a lot of the good things

22:16
that you've learned or talk about things that you want to know more about um and

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then people can tune in or tune out as they please or fast forward or whatever

22:28
yeah listen to it times five so it goes real fast you know and that's kind of a

22:34
nice like like that's what podcasts are is like people talking about what they

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really want to talk about and they're really passionate about and like finding the people that want to listen so it's

22:45
really perfect for that yeah yeah cuz it's uh I mean it's

22:51
called how I see it but you're basically saying like I've always had a desire to share how I see it mhm right and

23:00
sometimes a little too passionately or a little too um I don't know yoube little

23:05
too zestful sure or in the wrong direction or at the wrong time or whatever it is you know what I

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mean and yeah it's it's interesting I was going to tell you that you have something in your teeth and then I

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remembered we're recording not video there you go see it I've often been told

23:23
I have a face for radio so it's it's okay you can have stuff in your teeth in

23:28
the podast but I was thinking it was interesting because even as Chris was uh mentioning my prayer life I think even

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that to a certain degree has been influenced by my relationship with Justin because I think you know in that

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in the process of praying through the farm it was kind of Justin brought up that prayer of Jaz and I think that's

23:48
where it really came you know it's like I got to a point where it's like okay God uh Chris isn't really in favor

23:55
of any more territory you know especially Farm

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yes but you know at the same time as as you have

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provided this territory this land if you will that's kind of where that came out

24:11
of is a desire to use it you know in such a way that you know God um would be

24:18
glorified I think that's the that's the motive behind my um desire to influence

24:25
you know an influence for the kingdom in itself you know not just that I would but that he would be able to use the

24:32
blessings he gives us in such a way that is a blessing to other people and that that influence the opportunity for that

24:38
influence would grow and I think you know even some of that comes this is kind of neat and some of that because I

24:45
think as we kind of do the marriage Ministry stuff I think that's another

24:50
area and and it's just it's just really fun to have you know people in that

24:56
Partnership of influence you know and I'm I'm thankful for you in

25:01
that process you know where marriages are concerned you in that process you know and it's just you know even the common Bond we have through CR you know

25:08
to be able to have influence in people's lives just to be able to have simple

25:13
conversation M it's not always about you know lifechanging moments it's about you

25:18
know simple conversations and interacting with people you know in a

25:24
routine basis MH I think that's where that comes from for me

25:29
mhm yeah so how did you guys actually did you when did you start dating then

25:35
like you finally called me finally what that maybe two months later

25:43
yeah probably and we lived about an hour away an hour and a half away from one another so we only saw each other on

25:49
weekends but that that factored into our relationship too once we got

25:56
married yeah you still lived in and half when you got married well I was still working an hour and a half

26:02
away so and and in all honesty I yeah I would come home I would come home

26:08
smelling like a carpenter you know I'd smell that I'd smell like Pine you know and lumber and saw dust sweat and sweat

26:16
you know and and it wasn't you know cuz when we you know dated on the weekends I

26:21
smelled like cologne clean you know of course I'd go home grab always had a full wallet you know

26:29
yeah it was that that yeah then life then reality hit yeah yeah well cuz yeah

26:35
when you live an hour and a half away during the whole dating and then um you know being engaged yeah you you don't

26:42
get a glimpse of all of yeah and I think that's an interesting mhm yeah

26:48
interesting because it was a a dating circumstance to where and but I

26:54
this is this is another interesting part too because um based on past experience I had a desire

27:02
based on my um my Outlook how I saw it was I wanted to be able to meet Chris's

27:10
family and you know because from my perspective I wanted her to know that I

27:15
wasn't someone who just wanted to meet out behind the 7-Eleven you know type I wanted her to know that it was safe and

27:21
I had no I wouldn't have met you there but I had no qualms about going to

27:27
her meeting her family and being able to establish this relationship in such a

27:33
way that said okay your family gets to interview me as well you know and if they see any red flags you know you you

27:40
know cuz I could tell you know once I was a carpenter it made a difference to her you

27:46
know yeah yes yes we did but from your perspective though that wasn't well

27:52
there's a lot more pressure when the family gets involved right yeah when it's just the two of you it's just the two of you and but when everybody else's

28:00
opinion is involved it's not as simple so Mark with banking on your family

28:05
falling in love with you so you had no choice tell you how much your

28:12
family so they came in Behind Enemy Lines and he s you I don't know if that was infiltrated but it

28:20
worked he had no choice they love him and vice versa almost love love him more

28:26
than me I I hate more than me but that's okay I to accept

28:32
that cuz we are one right we are yeah we are yep and it's it's we it's not me and

28:39
you it's it's us so yeah that's cool yeah family is a big part of our I mean

28:46
very similar but different with us in that you know cuz we were still in high

28:51
school when we started we started as friends that quote unquote liked each

28:57
other like we we knew we liked each other we admitted that but we also knew we weren't going to be able to date yet

29:03
you know probably I think I yeah that's what I thought yeah I don't take us

29:08
through that process I mean that that process of being friends that would be interested in dating but can't date yet

29:15
help help me what did that look like from a timeline well it was probably 9th and

29:23
10th grade we started hanging out with groups of people

29:29
but kind of like intentionally trying to hang out adjacent be adjacent to these events

29:36
yeah yeah and my friends were very um they really liked you too they were

29:42
my friends too yeah we we we went to a small school and so we all pretty tight-knit kind of the whole crew of we

29:50
played Sports and yeah stuff like that and had lots of group activities and we

29:56
just kind of like scooped closer to each other during the activities but I was very much like just like I'm not dating

30:04
him I'm not gonna have a boyfriend yeah well we had different church upbringings too and so there was yeah kind a

30:11
cultural difference there in terms of what's acceptable for who to marry that kind of thing and from both of our sides

30:20
it was kind of like you don't really marry across that theological line if

30:26
that makes sense so we never even talked about it yeah not in the beginning yeah and then we we just were like we buddies

30:34
we buddies yeah we buddies yeah yeah so the theological line help me understand

30:39
that I mean you well my church would probably say you shouldn't marry like a

30:45
Pentecostal because it's um what's that yeah unequally like they would use like that kind of that cont I don't if they

30:51
really think that anymore but well I mean I think I don't know whether they think that I think that was the

30:57
understanding that you had and that was kind of implicit was like if you don't

31:03
have aligned theological views you you know the marriage is doomed to fail and you almost had this idea I know that's

31:09
kind of how I understood it from my side of the equation from my church was like

31:15
and almost basically saying if if you marry outside of this church environment

31:22
you know you the relationship is very likely to fail unless you can bring them over you know what I mean mhm and I knew

31:29
Megan well enough to know like if she's coming over you know the holy spirit's going to have to shove

31:36
her which he's capable of so I'm going to stick around and watch um which is ironic cuz it didn't

31:44
really go that way but but yeah so over the years we just hung out and of course grew in love for each other grew in like

31:52
I mean it was kind of special because we weren't dating and neither of I mean you probably thought about it more than I

31:58
did but I was like we're not dating we're just friends and so we got really really close yeah but you know were you

32:05
guys mentioned insecurity and I had I had a lack of self-esteem and

32:10
self-confidence from as young as I can remember so this played into it in the sense of like always knowing that she

32:18
said she liked me but not necessarily seeing it because like she said we're not dating so I don't have was that

32:24
Denial on her part or I like to think

32:30
so U but then yeah we started hanging out and then at some point I don't

32:36
remember how that transition happened but I started going over to your house with your family yeah 10th and 11 11 like her

32:44
parents were very gracious to me and like again Cindy her mom yeah Cindy her

32:51
mom was in the like at the school all the time volunteering doing different

32:57
things I can see that yep andb was the basketball coach for the girls so like

33:02
they I knew them they knew me well enough you know you were the assistant coach at that point right yes

33:10
exactly not quite but uh but yeah very much uh very they like we are all kind

33:16
of involved in the same uh tribe which is kind of cool and

33:21
so it wasn't that weird to extend that since we they already knew we like everyone you know everyone knew and so

33:28
it was a pretty natural transition for them to allow me to start coming over and just hanging out with them and their

33:33
family kind of like what you were saying and and I think I tried the same thing you know get them all to love me and

33:39
Kelly liked you a lot yeah Kelly uh Megan's younger sister who you guys know

33:45
it has how many kids four in counting yeah no four no but she

33:52
was you know very young in elementary school and she would come up to me on the couch she'd be getting ready for bed

33:59
and she had this big huge t-shirt and she'd wrap it around her knees and sit next to me snuggle up and just talk so

34:05
that's yeah and Justin wasn't used to having kids around her what is she doing she just talked

34:13
her ear it yeah she loved it was sweet yeah good memories so yeah yeah so

34:19
getting involved with their family but that was such an important part of my story to to kind of have that safe

34:25
environment you know of people that accepted in love love me and it helped with some of the self-esteem stuff too

34:31
you know but M yeah what are some this is a good question mark added oh what

34:38
are some I think you added it right fun memories fun memories did you add that oh yeah yeah yeah yeah what are some fun

34:45
memories you you you guys have H this is this is I'm Chris is okay with this I'm

34:51
sure fun can be a how I see it it can be it can be but I'll I will admit

34:58
that our first year of marriage wasn't necessar fun wouldn't necessarily be the

35:04
word I'd Ed to describe that entire year yeah maybe longer yes quite possibly

35:10
quite possibly because as as seasoned as we were to to what to the where we were

35:18
stubborn as we were yes you know our transition was tough you know and I was

35:25
a workaholic at that point I'll ad that you know and so it was tough for me to kind of step into that but the one thing

35:34
that how I see it came into play was I was an avid shooter I would you know I

35:41
just love to be outside I love to be shooting I'm not even I would call myself more of a shooter than a hunter

35:47
okay you know I just like that Shooting Sports type thing and it was funny

35:53
because early on um Chris made a statement to me that was B basically drawing a line that said okay that can

36:01
be guns can be your thing I'm okay with that but don't ever you know expect me

36:08
to shoot a gun and and I was fine with that and the irony was we moved into

36:16
Chris's grandparents Farmhouse you know it was just it was actually it was

36:23
actually moderating that ability to be close enough to work and close enough

36:28
for Chris it kind of was a middle middle ground and their Farmhouse had just become empty and was broken into so it

36:36
kind of it met a need for everyone well the funny part of that was we said we sat we uh established our first second

36:44
home there um and we planted a garden well the funny part of it was in this

36:50
process of the garden the woodchucks started coming after Chris's broccoli woodchucks are a northern thing I think

36:56
yes they are groundh I thought they only chucked wood yes but they they got broccoli

37:02
too talkx at Don Phil Ground Hog Day everybody's heard the they would come

37:08
and they started invading I'll call it Chris's Garden they started chewing her broccoli and I came home and Chris was

37:16
Furious I mean it's like what are we going to do it's like well we could shoot him and it's like I could see it it's

37:24
like she says teach me how to shoot that thing and and so I just I is a true

37:29
story I you know I I would put cans up on a bank you know tin cans and so her

37:35
you know and breathing and the whole nine yards this is how you load and she started cracking those tin cans you know

37:41
and it's like and this was the this was the funniest part for me this is what makes the funny part of the story there

37:46
would be days that I would come home in the summertime and you know Chris was

37:51
off from teaching I and she'd say there's one up there there's one over there there's one and she would shoot

37:58
these wood Chucks all day while I was gone she' put up the back window out of the bedroom and she'd clip a wood Chu

38:05
you know groundhog and she got 29 that first summer crazy we got 36

38:14
total I only was able to shoot seven Chris shot 29 wow and it was you know

38:20
she she got yeah the dance of course the the death dance was a little different but you know it's like she just let him

38:27
there and like I she she'd say there's one here and I it was my job to dispose of them so in that whole aspect come

38:33
such a long way it's like she's come from that I'm not going to shoot you that you can do that but now now she can

38:40
shoot with just about anybody that's awesome a couple years we were we took a trip and we were doing clay Bird

38:46
shooting and all sort of stuff together that's cool yeah that was a that was a big transition Say Never how I see it

38:53
huh how I see it yeah I mean it's so interesting to you're like how often I can recall times where we've had those

38:59
conversations like I'll never whatever like you draw those lines and then it

39:04
makes it really difficult to come back from sometimes right I don't know if you felt that way with that I mean in that

39:10
moment I think maybe your anger is like ah give me the gun whatever it makes me think of your podcast changing your mind

39:15
a little bit yes yeah there really wasn't a good reason why I said I'm not

39:21
going to pick up a gun other than my upbringing had no experience whatsoever and it had a negative connotation

39:28
and you can do your thing I'll do my thing it'll be fine but sometimes our things benefit

39:34
each other though sometimes yes yeah what were you going to say just well I was going to say but also there is value

39:41
to you do your thing I'll do my thing there's there's room for that in marriage too which I think sure maybe

39:47
isn't always communicated to younger it's like remember you're going to be one and you share everything but also

39:54
there's value in recognizing sometimes you you separate so that you can come back you know so you you know you go do

40:00
your thing this evening I'll do my thing this evening and you know like that happens yeah yeah right yeah and I and I

40:08
it's interesting you bring that up because I think even you know now that Chris and I have adult children I think

40:14
we tend to think about you know what their spouse is like and you know our kids are are both I'd say fairly if not

40:22
really athletic and you know and you know their spouse and how that play

40:27
plays into our family Dynamic has come up in conversation before too you know and just being able to recognize that

40:34
yeah some of those things are they're not game changers but yet they're pretty

40:39
important in the whole scheme of family dynamic as we look at her um Legacy you

40:45
know well our John plays with your Kelly right the game and Jack Kelly Jackson So

40:51
You Know Gaming to John is a big deal I mean that's part of his entertainment and so when he dates somebody who

40:57
doesn't like to play games or is not athletic yeah like John Ian this if you're talking lifelong is this a good

41:05
good choice not to say that people who don't game are bad people or people who don't play sports but you're looking for

41:11
a life alignment yeah yeah you it does change though because like I would

41:17
probably play would have played games every day all the time and he didn't

41:22
want to it's ironic you bring this up and so we changed both of us and I

41:29
think now we play sometimes and we both like it sometimes but we're not like I'm

41:34
not as into it as Kelly is anymore because he's not yeah and so it definitely yeah I didn't like playing

41:40
games you did not no that's funny I might have played into my not liking to lose yes because I

41:48
would always win wouldn't I she's kind of a winner it's annoying sometimes that's

41:54
why you picked her that's why I'm on her team but when I'm not on a team and my whole family was so intense with games

42:02
too so it's but it's fun but also yeah but it didn't become a huge part of our

42:08
life especially after after Katan left yeah we did play Kat a while K yeah

42:14
Katan kind of came in hurricane and then did that for a while and season season

42:21
yeah yeah I thought it was funny probably important to point out that your children are not yet married or

42:27
have a sp and they're also very athletic not

42:32
fairly they're 22 and 20 yeah and they're both and you know dating they're

42:39
not dating they're of the age to of the age to date it was funny because you

42:44
were saying spouses and you're saying it's a deal breaker I'm like just so everyone knows they don't have a spouse

42:50
and I like deciding to kick them out yeah I think I think of it in terms of I

42:56
know as we date and you know it's the choices those yeah yeah and we probably need to I mean I'll speak for myself I

43:02
probably need to back off and just be accepting of any person that her children bring home because that's just

43:09
that's trusting their judgment sure and know that's something I need to work

43:16
on as the mom yeah well that yeah the mom you know especially I think of a son

43:23
has there's that's a Trope right like that's a common thing where there's a it

43:29
could be animosity towards incoming yeah but but it's also like it's that Mama

43:35
Bear thing like it's built in so if you don't want it then it probably requires

43:40
proactive effort versus right like it's probably hard to do it differently but it you know I

43:48
don't know and I think that and I think there's something to adjusting you know in those moments but I also think

43:54
there's something to be said for who Chris is yes you know I don't I don't I respect the fact that you desire to make

44:01
it easier for anyone joh would date or Lizzy even for that matter but yeah I

44:09
wouldn't want to see you change who you are because of that you

44:14
follow me because I think both of our kids value and appreciate who you are in

44:20
that wholeness you know what I mean it's yeah I think it's a good role model not to change depend on who's coming in out of

44:27
your front door absolutely and to have Healy standards sure yeah you know yeah

44:34
and I and I think at times we can fall into complacency and I tend to date or

44:40
choose someone who's convenient versus being able to recognize okay is this a you know is

44:48
this someone who can spur me on that's yeah I think that's a yeah

44:54
part of where [Music]

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