0:01
[Music] no it's a practice it's a practice when

0:08
I feel myself becoming overwhelmed I it's a mental exercise

0:14
it's a mental exercise so talk that through with me um unless

0:21
you want me no it's all good I was I was thinking about it from the aspect of the

0:27
uh when in the process of a week I typically see

0:33
myself as having certain things that I want to accomplish and then there's at least

0:40
three or four areas that I'm trying to accomplish things in

0:47
simultaneously so in that process I can start in on Monday

0:54
thinking about those things and Monday is okay but when I get to

1:02
Wednesday right cuz on Monday the week is going to be a great week yeah it has

1:08
the ability I'm going to do this I'm going to do this and I'm going to accomplish this but then by Wednesday

1:14
there's a certain reality that starts to set [Music]

1:23
in welcome to how I see it with me Mark Pratt and Justin Sternberg this is a

1:30
podcast that works to countercultural polarization through thoughtful

1:37
[Music] conversations it's like I I I am or I am

1:43
not going to be able to accomplish I have accomplished or maybe weather came in circumstances changed I couldn't get

1:50
the keys for that job or you know this thing didn't line up and not even

1:56
anything that's necessarily my fault right or within my control just circumstantial it's a

2:03
reality because we are our future Justin is the best version of

2:10
Justin the most efficient the most thoughtful the most ah productive the

2:16
least impacted by you know ultimate frisbee injuries yes yeah and so we're

2:23
often planning with future Justin or future Mark sure and so the week looks

2:28
really good from that angle yeah yeah and then by Wednesday though

2:33
for me there pass Justin really man he need no but Wednesday I'm starting to

2:41
recognize I may not have accomplished all of those things in all those

2:47
areas and I'm starting to my mind is starting to become a little more

2:53
conflicted confused so for me I come back and that's where the

2:59
blanks late the you know white paper comes in you treat it like Monday is that no I just I just I just wipe it all

3:07
off I wipe it all off in my mind and in that

3:12
moment there's a piece because I've been able to um

3:19
recognize that um maybe I wasn't intended to do quite

3:26
all of those things and there's a piece that says

3:32
okay you're not solely responsible for all those

3:37
things you're not even possibly able to do all of those

3:43
things but yet I can start adding back once I wipe

3:50
it clean I start with who I am okay I start putting back on okay I

3:58
am a Christ follower I am a husband to Chris I am

4:06
the father of John and Lizzie I am a therapist I am a podcast host

4:13
co-host and as I prioritize who I am that helps me

4:22
reestablish what I need to accomplish on Wednesday you follow me that's that's

4:29
for me and that's that's the the the mental practice of the blank page is

4:34
because I'm coming back to I'm not so confused and F and and lost losing focus

4:40
I'm able to recognize and rebuild it based on the priorities that I have in

4:46
my own heart because of who I am and then I can go forward and say okay so

4:53
what does Wednesday really need to accomplish and what about my Monday

5:00
vision is just going to need to transfer to next Monday and what conversations am

5:05
I going to need to have so that I am keeping that priority of Christ follower

5:12
husband father you know those kind of things brother

5:20
son because those those are the things that I want to be my identity MH and I

5:28
don't want it to be and the things you did and got accomplished yeah yeah so like you say

5:36
that's just and I and I think about that that's kind of what came to mind as you were sharing that last part in the you

5:42
know in that in the the fence podcast was just yeah sometimes the what what the

5:50
what the fence what how the fence needs to change needs to be reworked around my

5:57
priorities to a certain degree mhm and I think that's where the protection comes into play because I can say even as a

6:05
husband yeah I'm sorry Chris I'm late this you know that kind of thing and

6:10
yeah I'm not saying it won't happen again and I'm not I'm not minimizing I

6:15
apologize you know that kind of thing when I'm human you know or I'm or I'm

6:22
communicating ahead of time or you know those those kind of things so that's that's yeah does that make sense in

6:28
those it does I yeah I've never thought about in those terms and I

6:34
think I think I'd like to figure out how to do that because that sounds awesome I think there are versions of that sure

6:42
that they've done but not that clearly um but there are mine is more defe

6:50
coming from a defeated place of like feeling super stressed you know

6:58
it's kind of like you said when that stuff catch you know like you're behind on your list it's your brain is in a

7:04
certain I mean it's stress but it's this like Schism like y things aren't aligned with what they should be right and so

7:12
the further they get a skew from that the more your brain is buzzing MH yep

7:19
and thinking about I got to get to that I got to get to that or whatever and there are times when I look at that and

7:26
I go I can't M mhm you know I can't I

7:31
can't get it all done I am thinking I need to be this type of person but I can't be I

7:40
am all I am is what I amh and so I look at like what I have to get done it I

7:46
go okay kind of this a very similar thing what can I get done in the vein of

7:52
something that Mak sense for like who I want to be you and it helps me realign

8:00
and so then often what that means is there's more room for

8:05
people and I go I'm going to still work on this thing but

8:10
maybe maybe it gets set aside for a second and I check with this person you I think about work for example like oh

8:17
sure recognizing in as my role as a management and really leadership it's

8:23
about them winning in so many weeks I have to go wait a second your agenda has to get

8:32
paused because I want I want them to win and I want them to succeed and my job is

8:39
to do that yeah like realigning and remembering my priorities are based on

8:46
the team succeeding not me MH and it's hard because I'm you know any gram three

8:53
is someone who wants to succeed it's a pusher it's a doer it's a and to say no

8:59
that's going to get we're going to put that on hold and let someone else win and do and accomplish gotcha it's hard

9:07
yeah yeah you just you maybe think of that but and I think when you use and I I think at from my perspective I can see

9:15
it going sideways or maybe even negative when that thought is I should have you

9:23
follow me yes because it's at that point well what am I I'm a I'm a lousy I'm a

9:30
I'm a no good I'm a you know and we fill in that blank when in reality no that's

9:37
not the case I I bit off more than I could chew circumstances

9:44
changed so now what do I do right and I and I think you know I as you were

9:50
describing it you know I think in some cases it is the difference between CR

9:56
and my identity who am I in Christ and my identity and a disease

10:01
model that basically says I am an addict I am and it and it and it I'm defining

10:08
Myself by my disease and not defining Myself by my identity who I am in Christ and I think

10:15
that's where it comes back to for me that's what that's what realigning that sheet yeah is about

10:22
because I'm focusing on who not who I am in an arrogant sense but what is my

10:27
identity and therefore I re prioritize based on that and I think

10:33
that's where the yeah that's a that's a a part of the whole regeneration if you will it's a

10:41
it's a small regenerating that I can do at 3:30 in

10:46
the morning when my mind's in that caught in that Schism to a degree yeah because I think you know

10:53
that it happens happens to all of us MH in those moments because how often you

10:59
find yourself biting off more than you can shoot most of the time most every week

11:04
yeah most every week and I find myself shifting yeah yeah it's uh

11:13
it's it's very interesting how often the most um productive

11:21
people feel the least or can struggle with that feeling

11:28
of being behind being under being you know

11:35
lacking and often it's very much tied it's the stick yeah you know because the

11:42
benefit is you're productive you're you're highly productive individual and

11:47
getting things done and from the outside there's very rarely a person who

11:53
will look at some like you and say what does this guy do you know it's like it's

11:58
there is is production all around you you know but the other end of that stick is

12:06
that it becomes a Taskmaster and like you said it tends to want to dictate our

12:12
identity MH I'm a person who does gets things done yep call this person yep

12:19
they'll they get stuff done yeah yeah and that's who I like yeah again taking on that identity I love what you're

12:26
saying and saying replace that yeah the truth and a doer is not an identity no

12:34
it's a result of your identity you know and what you do depends on your identity

12:41
but your character your priorities decide that identity yeah and so yeah go

12:47
ahead I didn't realize you were a any3 yeah that's interesting to think

12:53
about yeah was it surprising no I I'm I'm not a big Ingram person I mean I

13:00
mean I I see its validity I recognize its value you know and I I think it's a

13:05
you know a decent design model type thing but I just and I the reason I ask

13:11
the the reality of it is I hate taking tests like that because I feel like they're trying to pigeon hole me you

13:17
know I'm thinking they trying you an eight or what no but I'm actually a three myself when I'm when I'm that's

13:24
like your primary yeah why is that surprising uh we're sitting here on a

13:31
podcast we're pretending we disagree about things but really well I I think

13:37
about it I think I want to

13:42
say when I looked at the label it was like

13:48
image performer right you follow me Y and I yep I didn't like that label I'll

13:56
be that's that I yeah I would never put that label on you and yet there is an

14:02
image you care about it's yours like it's how you view yourself and so like just think about I

14:09
mean even in your white uh white paper White Blank she blank sheet yeah blank

14:17
sheet Blank Slate white page whatever yes in that there's probably a name out

14:24
there if I look but yeah even in that go ahead even in that like you're

14:30
you're recognizing it's it's about your image

14:35
but you're recognizing the truth of what you want your image to be so it's realigning that I think on a regular

14:41
basis but your bent is towards matching the image that you want

14:47
to have of yourself production getting things done you know meeting deadlines you know not missing

14:55
agreements whatever you know whatever but instead of it being you know on someone outside of you dictating that

15:02
Vision that you're trying to meet it's you and I and I think that I don't I

15:08
don't think it aligns the same way but I understand and I think and I think that's where I'm at

15:14
it's like um when I think of performer I think of

15:20
um I'm putting it out there for other people to see yes an image is and I want

15:27
your image of me to be good yeah and I think in some ways age has taught me

15:33
that if I'm trying to do that for you that's that's feudal yep and I think you

15:40
know that's where and you know and I as we think about ingrams I think about you know um how we love also you know and

15:49
the attachment styles that we develop I don't know how much you and I have talked about that but a little bit yeah

15:54
you know and I and I think the if we're doing the image thing out of being a

16:02
pleaser you know you know because there's there's accolades to yeah call

16:08
call Justin he'll get stuff done you know what I'm saying and it's like and

16:13
and yet the pleaser can also be kind of the negative design of the pleaser is

16:20
they're not always honest because what happens is their yes

16:25
yes yes yes eventually runs into a finite timeline that they have to

16:33
experience someone experiences know from them right usually after a yes yes

16:40
normally in that world yeah yes normally after a yes and I think in some ways the ones that get the ones who are

16:49
closest to us unfortunately get the nose and that's where I think for me that

16:56
blank sheet comes back into play it's like okay you know John's going away you know

17:04
shortly and then you know and then Lizzy's got this stress what do what how can I help them what can I be you know

17:11
how can I be ministering to my wife in that process while while I generate some

17:16
income to be able to you know do what needs to be done and I think that's what

17:21
that's what's helpful for me in that in that exercise yeah yeah because and I

17:28
and it's interesting cuz like I say I just struggle I struggle I struggle with

17:36
boxes yes I don't like being pigeon Hol you know yeah well I want we did it

17:42
don't tell me there's only a yes or a no to that question come on now right what if we color Outside the

17:48
Lines yeah yeah that that feels like I think it's an eight like you must

17:56
have some like John John's full on yeah and um then and then and he'll bust on

18:02
me you know like when we're doing F3 you know he'll bust on me all the time it's like you know somebody some you know

18:07
everybody will be running in a line and I cross over the road you know it's like

18:13
I just I and yeah so I know he gets that from somewhere that doesn't necessarily

18:18
show up in my anagrams but yeah it's probably well if you I don't so we did a

18:23
study uh like a full day training at my work oh NE and the lady who did it she

18:29
basically said this is a view of the world I I've really liked how she described she took away some of the like

18:37
this is a religious like this is perfect and Flawless and it will but she was

18:42
basically saying like if you do this right it will help inform you it will help give you tools and I really liked

18:50
her perspective on it but she you know one of the aspects of Indian gr is like the wings and then like the the do you

18:57
have wings what's your wing if I remember I don't remember I could look it up okay no I'm

19:02
just curious but there's also the like triangle thing do you remember that we like usually yes they're because they go

19:09
around a circle basically yeah but you usually conect there's nine so there's

19:14
triangles to all the to two other ones typically yes I hear you and I think eight is one of those where it like

19:21
connects to that which makes sense in your world that you you have some

19:26
elements of that obstinance or that like don't tell me how to color the page or whatever yeah cuz it connect cuz you

19:33
connect that way or I think I'm more connected on the other direction okay that makes sense no I I had I hadn't

19:39
honestly looked into it you know I mean which when they described all that I'm like it just sounds like you're saying

19:45
anyone can be any like you know me it's like you're giving a lot of like room for and it's like well there has to be

19:52
it's kind of like you're saying like you can't Color Me In A Box it's kind of like psychology you know yeah I guess

19:59
yeah it's like well that explains why you do this and this and this you know yeah yeah which again I think there's

20:06
helpful it's kind of like a a horoscope almost it's like you you you keep it

20:11
generalized enough that's where she yeah that's where she would have been like

20:16
this is not a horoscope different I understand and I and I think good models are like that they're they're they're

20:25
specific enough based on statistics and patterns that we can identify yeah and

20:31
yet they're not they're models yes they're models yeah they're a picture of

20:37
reality not reality and it's not that there aren't differences there's not there's a uniqueness that everyone

20:43
brings to that model yeah and this is this is the generalized part but then

20:49
there's also the individualized part yeah that says okay yeah there's room for that also yeah yeah when you

20:58
describe the parts about the three that you don't espouse or or you know that

21:03
kind of like you feel like that's me I'm that I'm the performer especially and

21:09
you mentioned age that's like slowly shifting but like from when I was young

21:18
you know always about image it was always about how does this make me look it was always about you know my second

21:25
order thinking was okay if I do this maybe that person will or whatever you know or it could yeah or

21:33
it could open opportunities to do more of what I want to do or whatever but it's like very image conscious and so

21:43
failure was just is has always been catastrophic to my

21:52
self-esteem I shouldn't say always it's way better now like I'm nice yeah like I would say healthy in that way now but

22:00
for so much of my life opposite of healthy like extreme unhealth in when

22:06
failure would occur it would impact me to my core yeah you know mhm and it was

22:13
because my image was tarnished you know they do and it just hurt so bad and it's embarrassing to

22:20
admit how much it hurt but like I just could not be wrong I could not because it would say like you remember what you

22:27
said ear said I am a failure I am it would be identity based yeah instead of

22:33
situation it would be defining right and so that exercise I was talking about that defeated is sometimes I have to

22:40
it's it's very similar to what you're talking about in that I recognize succeeding at all those things

22:47
I was hoping to succeed in will not identify me and should not but what I do

22:53
in this moment does how how I you know what I mean yeah cuz really and and I'm

22:59
I'm if I'm hearing you and I think I am you know it's like I can satisfy all the

23:05
people or you know I can satisfy a number of people and it really doesn't

23:11
change my image that much yes well in in in that in that relative term analogy

23:20
you follow me because yeah it it is it is to the point

23:26
of that's kind of who I am and yet doing it for most everybody

23:33
isn't necessarily going to matter a whole heck of a lot so this this is where I disagree okay go for for me it

23:39
mattered so much and every time I pleased someone it felt like I just like

23:45
someone you know inserted $500 into my bacing account I got you it it mattered

23:51
a lot but what I found is there was no amount of money in the bank account that

23:56
was enough there it was never it only created more

24:01
need more desire more so now that I pleased you okay well let's go for this

24:06
person okay all right now I'm juggling both of you now this person and like I would keep it was that's why I call her

24:13
approval addiction right this idea that like I need more I need more I need more and it wasn't just getting approval it

24:21
was also maintaining it and not seeing failure because again that was very tied

24:27
into my I guess identity as well so in other words because because you because

24:32
there's often threes like you said that are dishonest and I like that that

24:38
represented failure to me if I said something and didn't do it so then rather than cheat that person and like

24:45
you said loved ones usually get cheated because it's like Oh They'll understand I'm doing all this important stuff we

24:50
take those for granted we take those for granted it doesn't for me it didn't feel like failure or cheating it felt like

24:55
they'll you know yeah so messed up but uh but yeah so it's just like what did

25:02
you feel there in that moment when you reflected on that you you felt shame okay yeah yeah just I mean you you

25:09
mentioned it earlier but like just cheating the people that matter the most for the people that don't you know and don't get me wrong

25:16
these people matter and like no all all people matter matter yes but uh but yeah just it's

25:26
just looking back and seeing how chasing approval so much at the expense of the

25:31
approval of my own family my spouse particularly and saying she'll

25:36
understand which she did because she's amazing but taking that for granted for so long and it's still a struggle to not

25:45
cuz it's a combination of my struggle and and her strengths which is she

25:51
usually is fine she usually is generous in that way and understand she knows who

25:56
I am she thought when she married me you know that I was that same person and you

26:02
know so it doesn't surprise her and she's learned how to live with that but there's also second order consequences

26:09
to it you know that we've taken on over the years and Rec you know like things

26:14
to celebrate recovery and other the tools like that seeing how when you do this it actually causes this over here

26:20
and like you said sometimes we don't see that in the beginning but over time you're able to recognize that and so

26:27
that's where the shame comes is recognizing like the Deep wounds and pains and and crevices created by years

26:34
of doing that and recognizing like it wasn't just a you know she'll understand

26:40
but it actually was creating Pro you know problems in in our relationship um because I continued to

26:46
do that you know yeah yeah the patterns and the Cycles yep go on and we feel

26:53
shame about having having lived that pattern out so long in hindsight and I

27:01
think is that is that the part where you recognize age has made a difference in that I know you were well it's a

27:08
combination of but I think age is probably the the biggest thing because

27:13
and I think with age it's implicit that there's experience there sure you know what I mean yeah it's not just that

27:19
years have gone on it's that years have gone on and experiencing the reality right and and recognizing that again I

27:27
didn't come to this understanding that pleasing people would ultimately feel

27:32
empty or whatever yeah I experienced it and therefore learned it right like I worked so hard and burned every end of

27:38
the candle and and you know what I mean um my old friend Keith used to call it

27:43
the performance treadmill you know sure and um just this idea of like work work

27:49
work work and recognizing that I still feel empty ah just one more person to please all right let's do this you know

27:56
and recognizing through several burnouts yeah and kind of going the other end of

28:02
just like I got nothing I can do nothing I'm a failure you know and having to

28:08
rebuild from that place like you can't keep doing this is a broken pattern you

28:13
know so yes age but really what what age has gained me which is experience which

28:19
is tools which is things like Celebrate Recovery that have come into my life and taught me you know I've been doing that

28:26
since 2007 you know so like those tools have been and then I talk about seven

28:31
habits all the time like I read that shortly before my first step study group

28:37
in uh celebrate recovery and I think they my mind was so hungry at that time

28:42
that both of those things have just become me that they like integrated into

28:47
me and um obviously you know that that didn't translate in into Perfection but

28:55
helped me to see the reality through some of the lies in my mind of like

29:00
approval and all that and that's when I started using the word approval addiction it was probably 14 years ago

29:06
wow and 14 years of work has got me to a place where I don't think I'm addicted

29:11
anymore I really don't nice job yeah I think sometimes I get a hit of it and it's like ooh that feels good I want

29:19
more and I go no we know what that is but I'm going to be thankful for this hit I'm going to be thankful that God is

29:25
generous in his approval with others you know how he brings their approval to me

29:31
yeah and I very often look at it that way like thank you you know I need that

29:36
you know there's a part of me that is fueled by that but you also know that's

29:41
unhealthy or you're like I I see I see what you're doing and I'm thankful yeah

29:47
and you know and there's when I have to do something that is very public preaching yeah leading worship you know

29:54
teaching Friday night that's my prayer of surrendering is

30:00
that I don't need this approval if if I have to fall in my face literally and do

30:06
something completely embarrassing to keep me close to you I'll take it nice I

30:13
will I'll take it and I had to pray that prayer with worship so many times and I

30:19
believe I experienced it many times missing a note or forgetting my Capo was on and starting the song in the

30:26
wrong key MH and like those things in the moment were

30:32
devastating because it didn't align with who I wanted to be a worship leader whatever I'm just a bumbling idiot who

30:38
doesn't belong up here but also recognizing and looking back at that and going no this was part of his journey to

30:46
keep me close to him while bringing me to where my desire of my heart was nice

30:54
does that make sense yeah yeah in that whole process of the plans that he has

31:00
for you MH yes yeah the failure is is the humility that needs

31:08
you to be Reliant and saying okay yep I'm still

31:14
learning I'm not a bumbling idiot I'm just learning how to be a worship leader

31:20
in the moment it feels like I'm literally a

31:25
bumbling idiot processing it over time sure I'm able to

31:30
bring fold the truth into it replace that ridiculous it's the regenerating of

31:36
your mind yes I've gone from instantly thinking that I'm a bumbling

31:41
idiot five years later 10 years 14 years 20 years later I can

31:48
say yep still need you God yep yep can't do this without you thanks for being

31:55
here yeah and ultimately it is it's kind of the audience of one type lifestyle

32:01
yeah that's yep yeah and the the SEC you know the

32:08
flip side of that performance treadmill thing is really really experiencing and

32:15
learning the value of failure and replacing the lies of

32:20
failure is failure you know failure is yeah I am a failure I am a failure right

32:26
sure failure equals loser or losing equals loser um and replacing that with

32:32
no failure is part of the journey forward failure is part of learning yes that's what I mean yeah the journey

32:38
forward agreement that growth mindset yeah it's this idea that when I fail

32:43
there's something in this that's going to help me yeah you know

32:50
and the the Lesser failures I'm able to just roll right into that the some of

32:56
the deep cutting ones takes takes a minute the bigger shame ones regrowth or

33:02
what you regener regeneration yeah the bigger shame ones yeah yeah which

33:08
shame is very much attached to Public Image yes no doubt you know so like I

33:15
said being up on that stage messing something up yeah you know it's it's the

33:21
thing that I've taken and I put it on the Altar and said burn it burn me like yeah cuz

33:29
that's wrong how much I care and yet yeah you know it's like it's that

33:35
refining the you know it's take the draw out of the silver and the silver smith has something for use yeah yeah that's

33:45
yeah yeah and also saying if what ends up burning up is everything

33:51
mhm there was no silver there true it was hay and and so there's been a lot of

33:56
that surrender to say burn it up if there's no silver there

34:01
and see what's left right yeah and if that just no that whole thing's gone oh

34:07
yeah doing worship yeah if there's nothing left there then I just I want it

34:13
to be right I don't want it to be me so that goes away because you said no not

34:19
for you like that prayer of surrender of course not wanting that but

34:26
yeah you know yeah oh that's good stuff and I was thinking about it even just in the

34:32
aspect of age because you got to realize I mean you know dad jokes come from a

34:38
place of not caring what other people especially your children tend to think you

34:45
know and I was and I was thinking about it yeah even like with John and I or you

34:50
know sometimes with Lizzy it's like I I respect the fact that sometimes

34:57
what I do do is embarrassing to them sometimes yeah yeah quite often

35:05
probably and not embarrassing is in the aspect of but it's like it's in some

35:10
ways I don't care if there's a tension you know shifted and I respect the fact

35:15
that neither one of them desire attention you know in that in that

35:21
public yeah you know so yeah it's it's uh yeah I'm I'm I'm I'm wrestling with

35:28
that not wrestling in the sense of changing but being aware that yeah I may not care right but

35:36
yeah at times yeah I don't want to necessarily create unnecessary

35:42
embarrassment yeah that makes sense yeah and the balance too of sometimes as a

35:48
dad it's kind of like your role is to make them just a little embarrassed and

35:54
recognize life's not so serious it's okay but yeah that balance but also

35:59
protecting them from yeah unnecessary yeah yeah yeah the balance

36:06
is good yeah growth I think about the mom who drops her you know teenage son

36:11
up in school says I love you son and like how that's probably a good thing

36:16
you know yeah there's a balance to that and of course yeah yeah saying uh you

36:22
know I'll wash your Whitey tidies tonight you know that's probably not that's probably over the yeah yeah just

36:29
a little bit I'd say just a little bit so yeah as as I was thinking about that

36:35
uh the blank page the Clean Slate what um in the in the process of

36:43
your tools and learning what if you could share one

36:49
tool that has been beneficial I'm just thinking about it from that aspect what would that be for

36:55
you as a as even like a a

37:02
go-to that's a pretty deep s it's a deep sign and if it's something you don't

37:08
want to share that's okay too I respect that I think it depends on what level you're at of this of my

37:16
I'm I'm okay with any that's value to you from the very

37:23
beginning the thing and this is something I've I've tried to coach others to do who are

37:29
kind of I think in that very beginning as well and it it goes for more than

37:36
just quote unquote approval addiction or someone like meh but it's when your

37:41
thinking has gotten you to a bad place over and over and over the most important tool I had to

37:49
learn it's not even a tool it's a a rejection it's just I'm probably wrong about my

37:56
thinking most of the time how can I fix this because up until that surrender

38:05
that kind of I believ the lies that I was telling

38:10
you know what I mean like I am a failure I am whatever just all the nonsense and getting to a place of like

38:17
no my thinking is causing Brokenness in so many areas of my life I'm G to stop

38:24
trusting myself that's what it was not not not just saying you're an idiot you

38:30
can't you can't nothing you say is right or nothing you think is right but more of stop trusting yourself so much as

38:38
being the most trustworthy voice in your head and

38:43
recognize that maybe right now until I can get realigned I am the most

38:50
untrustworthy voice in my head so who can I trust to help me you know and but

38:58
but you can't go to that place of who can I trust how you know getting someone in your life whatever until you get to

39:04
that first and I don't know if that's a tool or if that's just baby step to get

39:10
you to get you toward some tools because and I again I've I've tried to coach

39:16
other people in this too where it's very clear that their thinking is preventing them from moving forward it's like it's

39:23
not until you stop trusting yourself so much that you're so smart that you got it all figured out that you're you know

39:30
everything you believe is right it's not until you distrust that initial

39:37
assessment especially in you know there's always certain areas where this is more applicable than others you know

39:43
you know you're your judgment might be spot on over here but this particular thing probably the reason you're around

39:49
me and Recovery or whatever is because looking over here your vision is completely skewed and broken so I say

39:57
stop stop trusting what you're seeing is Right Baseline it might be that it's

40:03
never about saying you're you're wrong it's about saying stop trusting it so

40:08
blindly again not really a tool but no but an Insight you know because for me

40:16
that was that was Ground Zero sure you know yeah to start the beginning of the

40:22
rest of my life really yeah that's how you see it that's how I see

40:27
appreciate you sharing from that thank you oh my pleasure I'm going

40:33
to have to learn the blank page blank page that's how we see

40:42
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