0:06
I'm excited to talk about a thing we got coming up I'm excited because it's going

0:11
to be an opportunity for us to interact with our audience in a way never done

0:17
before never before in the history of how I see it what we want to celebrate

0:22
is 2 years two years of how I see it which if you do the math it's not very

0:28
much after 100 episodes it's a similar celebration except bigger because it's 2 years so yeah we're going

0:34
to do a Facebook live or Instagram live I haven't decided yet I don't know I think you can do both at the same time

0:40
actually when are we going to do that thing February 28th February 28th 700

0:46
p.m. 7:00 on February 28th so mark your calendars cuz we'd love to have you join

0:53
us there'll be an opportunity for Q&A love to hear your questions we might even be putting out some questions in

0:58
the next couple week to be thinking about answering sure during the session like uh what was your least favorite

1:04
podcast episode I'd love to hear that yeah a little bit of ribbing was good

1:10
for us so bring your questions bring your answers oh make sure you bring a dad joke that's your entrance fee just

1:15
make sure you show up cuz it wouldn't be fun to do live without some responses so it would be fun to be live if it's dead

1:22
yes exactly February 28th 7 p.m. 7 p.m. how I see it live live coming to

1:31
[Music] you welcome to how I see it with me Mark

1:40
Pratt and Justin Sternberg this is a podcast that works to counter cultural

1:47
polarization through thoughtful [Music]

1:52
conversations I couldn't hear myself for a moment made me think whether I was

2:00
thank you thank you not sure what I did but thank you Justin you passed 100 episodes yes good

2:09
job nice job nice job you too well hey

2:14
happy to be here happy to be here just happy to be here yes um that was fun

2:22
getting 100 released and getting some feedback from people and yes some like

2:27
nice words so thank you all for nice no doubt and if you needed to be something

2:32
other than that we would try not to be offended it'd be hard but we'd try no

2:39
offense but we try none taken none taken so how are you sir I'm good yeah I'm

2:45
good how about you you said you were a little sore earlier you limbering up yeah yeah I feel a little bit better

2:50
there you go when you wake up yeah yeah yeah you get your stretching in one way

2:55
or the other as you move you kind of get your Li chiding me about my lack of stretching

3:03
which is fully warranted the chiding I was I was probably chiding you more

3:08
about your the aging process that is undeniable it's the combination like as

3:14
you age it's more of a voice of experience yeah in that aspect of how

3:20
important it is but Mark's very good at stretching yeah you got little routine I

3:25
try to yeah it's only because I'm compensating for years of misuse where

3:32
my body is concerned that's that's how I that's it's a consequence right so I haven't got to that consequence yet well

3:39
I'm trying to help you avoid certain consequences I remember one time you I think I think you were

3:46
saying you try to always kneel down to put your shoes on like stay standing no I stand up

3:54
stand up I stand up yeah yeah stay standing so that you can stay limber exactly I think about that every time I

4:01
put my socks in shoes I'm just like no not happening there you you sit down to

4:06
put your socks and shoes yeah okay that's fair yeah I got especially after

4:11
um exercise like you know frisbe specifically um my lower back is sore

4:20
okay and so that stretches very like the breath kind of stops your

4:25
breath oh wow that Mak sense yeah yeah so we got to get you some different stretches L probably should be standing up to put

4:32
my shoes on that's probably the stretch I need not sure I did learn another one the other day okay it was uh it's you

4:38
basic you know you know the cat pose yes where you arch your back yeah yoga like

4:45
have Megan actually look at your spine and if there's any flat spots you kind

4:53
of put your hand have her put her hand there and then move your hips adjust

4:59
your hips or your your your back in such a way to make that Arch because that flat spot indicates a weakness in that

5:07
area so that's just that's just a little yeah and typically you know um yeah

5:14
another another another time for another story but yeah everyone's going to be wondering now but well like I say we'll

5:21
we'll come back to it all right we'll come back to it I can I can hold that okay yeah cat pose cat

5:27
pose uh yeah so we are uh going to talk about being offended when was the last

5:32
time you were offended recent yeah yeah like within

5:39
the past week yeah okay I got offended regularly really yeah it's something you

5:45
routinely maintain yeah I enjoy the experience

5:51
okay no I uh you know I talk about this at CR but one of my struggles is

5:57
resentment like um part of part of my particular personality is trying to

6:03
figure out why things are the way they are and um yeah so it's like a lot of

6:08
times I'll yeah there'll be an initial offended reaction in my in my body you

6:14
know that's like that's not my fault that's someone else's fault and that

6:19
bothers me you know what I mean sure so you know and I work through it me I don't live offended um okay and I think

6:26
that's but would you say the resentment comes from multiple offenses yeah yeah

6:31
yeah for sure but I'm just saying yeah those multiple come from somewhere like right you you track them you know what I

6:39
mean gotcha yeah I don't know I I don't know that's probably a strong statement to say I get offended a lot but

6:45
like I don't not get offended you don't not get offended yeah oh really yeah so

6:52
you would official you you would say that you are possibly

6:58
more offended than you are not offended no oh well just you know if any given week you

7:05
say have you been offended in the last week there's a good chance I'd say yes okay and again just so we're clear it's not

7:13
like there's a things happening that deserve to be offended at it's just how

7:19
I process yeah things yeah so are there people that tend to offend you more all people especially

7:28
you when I start asking

7:33
questions but no I mean is when I pick this topic it was not so you could Grill me

7:40
Mark okay I I I'll pull I I I'm happy to pull it back in that process but I mean

7:48
what just don't want our listeners to know who I'm offended at what what not

7:53
sharing these uh episodes with their friends so as much as they like what

7:59
typically offends you you got me started now I'm just kidding I'm not offended

8:05
but you should share these with your friends because yes we have 40 listeners and that's been that way for a long time

8:12
okay but we're thankful for those 40 we are yeah yeah yeah that's why we keep doing it yeah and those 40 are you know

8:19
they are the salt of the earth no doubt the best 40 people on Earth there you go they are the foundation of how we see it

8:25
that's right so we got the ones that matter now we just have to get the ones that don't

8:31
okay so that that was a joke yes not offended by that I wasn't offended no

8:39
I'm making sure our audience knows oh okay do you understand that I did no you

8:44
didn't want to offend our audience that's that's I was I was allow do would you like to carry on a further

8:50
conversation with our audience no I'm good now you good they

8:56
seem to understand okay all right that was that was the s sensation you got yeah okay The Vibes That's The Vibes

9:03
yeah all right back to your question so yes what typically offend you we know

9:08
people um um anything that makes me look bad is

9:15
is going to be a trigger for being offended okay yeah yeah gotcha and I

9:20
should PR fix that statement anything that makes me feel like I look bad okay

9:26
yeah can be a trigger for feeling offended okay so in that process I'm here again

9:34
I'm I'm being mindful that I don't offend you with too many questions in that process what do you do

9:40
with that

9:48
well you know it's the same thing as like a lot of the conversations you just kind of work through it you think about

9:55
it you process it you figure out if it's worth being offended at but um you know

10:02
being offended is one of those things that you can't necessarily control the the impulse but you have a choice

10:10
what you do with the impulse sure um so I try to choose the right thing which in

10:16
any given situation is can vary right it can be like stop you're being stupid

10:22
that's not nothing to be offended at who typically says that to you me that's

10:27
what I'm saying the processing your process you do that internally yes okay

10:33
yeah um I think the answer is just processing it okay the simplest answer

10:39
yeah and then you do with it what you need to do I do with it what I need to do you know do you have any tools why

10:48
don't you answer these questions tools go ahead yeah do you have any tools that help you with

10:54
that um yeah I mean

10:59
I just I feel like every time we get into these questions about me they're the same answers uh so forgive me if I'm

11:05
saying the same thing but um CR has taught me a lot about reflection and about um the fact

11:13
that so much of what's wrong in the world is me like I'm it's you know I'm

11:19
the problem it's me everywhere I go it's me you know so um I've learned to bring

11:25
that to every struggle and sometimes um sometimes as I'm processing I'm going

11:31
yeah but no it's not me it's you you know and so then it that's where resentment comes in that's where it's

11:36
harder to work through but if in a lot of times this is true if during the

11:41
processing I can go yeah it's that part of me that just doesn't like that you

11:47
know um that little clip we just watched he talked about um what like what base

11:53
emotion is it triggering and what what Sensations what Sensations so and so I yeah so um process those Sensations and

12:01
able to say oh it just makes me feel embarrassed you know is very often the

12:06
sensation that's triggering for me I'm just embarrassed and I do I need to be embarrassed about this well not really

12:13
um well embarrassment is actually the emotion you're feeling yeah where do you tend to feel that or how do you tend to

12:19
feel that if we're thinking about sensation what do you

12:26
feel this is good self-awareness this is a therapy session with

12:34
Mark uh I'm I think it's I think it's a beneficial thought when we're thinking

12:41
about tools exactly I don't know okay yeah because I

12:47
think at times we so often our emotions are driven by our

12:55
Sensations that ability that I'm feel my mouth is dry

13:00
my stomach is tight my or my stomach is in KN you know your stomach can have

13:05
multiple you know Sensations but yeah you can also feel the Restriction in your chest some people feel tightness

13:11
some people feel I think that's it yeah oh yeah yeah I think so that's fair I think so okay yeah good job there you go

13:19
you figured it out so now you know when you feel that tightness in your chest it's likely a

13:26
certain emotion that's going to precede that not PR after that come after that

13:33
mhm and then being able to recognize okay that process the so is what do I

13:39
need or what do I want Even and it can come back and I I think so often we talk

13:44
about it there we have talked about you know the love Styles we talked about the Primal questions you know a lot of this

13:51
comes back from that aspect of what do I need and is that need being met or not

13:57
met and that kind of thing and I think you know when we come into these those

14:03
stressful situations where I'm perceiving there is a stress based on you know

14:11
offenses you know I think you did a great job of describing how you're trying to grow in yourself and others

14:19
awareness MH because you're recognizing part of this is just you but it may not

14:25
all be you right yeah and a lot of times too when you peel them apart when I I

14:31
say when I do you know as far as tools go when I'm I'm able to process it and I think as far as tools go one of the

14:38
things too is like try not to do anything about being offended in the mo while you're while your chest is Con you

14:44
know while you're feeling the sensations cuz in my in my case when I'm offended

14:49
usually it's not something to do something about sure that's the truth so

14:54
so it's more of a reaction yes so learning to that sens is

15:00
not um you know something to fight or flight about like you probably should if

15:06
anything for me it's about um stepping away or out even if it's just mentally

15:13
from the situation um to say all right what's going on here you know and processing that's a it's a great point

15:20
I'm just curious at this point in that in that awareness if you will that I can

15:26
react but it's probably not beneficial yeah have you ever noticed that as you

15:33
listen sometimes you realize there was no need to be offended yeah

15:38
yeah yeah I think that's an important part too when we can recognize okay yeah

15:44
that that may have sounded offensive mhm and I may have been offended but that

15:51
was not the intention right yep so that's that's what I was going to say too is like I start the work is in apart

15:59
me versus it sure and often once you're able once I'm able to peel that apart it

16:07
becomes clear what needs to be done and usually it's nothing it's sure it's internal work right of sure letting it

16:14
go of accepting you know this wasn't how I perceived it that kind of thing um

16:20
every once in a while you you know or whatever you peel it apart you see that there is some fault on that side but

16:25
when you look at the balance the scale M you're like sure it's pretty heavy on my

16:30
side yeah and it's just using his hands as a scale and his left hand way in the

16:35
air and his right hand's way down by his waist so about now the opposite nice job

16:42
you just you just TI the scale exactly you were no longer offended how did that

16:47
feel how did that feel felt good felt like a a weight was

16:53
lifted yes yeah I mean once it once I removed myself from the scale mhm and

16:59
you know it's like yeah it changes the things no doubt yeah that an ly falls

17:05
falls apart but yeah it's okay um but yeah how about you how about me what all

17:10
of the questions you asked me let's start with have you been do you get what

17:16
the first question do you do you get offended Mark I think that was the first question I do all right have you been

17:21
offended in the last week yes I have all right who was it it was actually it

17:26
actually uh Chris and I we got in you know and I think what will typically

17:32
offend me is when someone and I and I think you know it's it's part of our

17:37
human nature this is nothing against Chris you know I do I likely do it to her but in that process of telling

17:44
someone what they are you know based on an experience like you know that that

17:50
aspect of if someone's telling me what I think or what I'm doing you know I that

17:58
that that can tend to offend me when I recognize that I can understand how what I did my

18:07
action like say my action made you or Chris or you know feel like you weren't

18:13
important yeah you know in that process because I made a specific choice to do

18:18
something different than what yeah you were thinking I would do yeah you know

18:24
and then that goes so far as to say well you did that because

18:29
right you know you were trying to tick me off yeah when when there's motive

18:34
assigned yes that that that is the you know a time when I can feel offended

18:41
yeah and yet like you're saying we still have a choice as to whether we become

18:49
defensive you know in that process or whether we say okay yeah I I can respect

18:55
the fact that my Act was viewed that way yeah and that wasn't

19:03
my intention but I can understand how it can be conceived that way and I think

19:09
that's you know granted and I think that adds to the you know kind of that third we were talking about Stress Management

19:15
self and others awareness and I think that comes back to the third part of that um which would be rupture and

19:22
repair you know because conflict is gonna happen we're gonna be offended by

19:28
people but at the same time are we able to take that

19:33
awareness you know from myself and others into what I use in such a way

19:39
that is actually able to repair and I think that's so often what happens is in

19:46
that offense if I stay there you know that's I'm that's just like staying in

19:52
the rupture staying in the conflict and I think that's why you know we tend to

19:58
avoid Conflict for so many people is because it tends to seem as if it is

20:05
wrong yeah you know it's conflict is a bad thing and I don't think and and that I

20:12
think it I think it is viewed that way because so rarely do we come to the

20:18
other side of finding the resolution yeah yeah so and back to the off yeah

20:25
back to being offended I think too um conflict in resolving conflict becomes much harder when we don't have a good

20:31
filter on our offenses or good filter between our offenses and conflict sure

20:38
does that make sense so I think um it gets very hard to again resolve conflict

20:44
if every time I'm offended I'm attempting to resolve the conflict sure externally with this person or this

20:51
situation yep um and I think I think like we talked about that reactive part

20:57
that is in between the two from my perspective is what makes the resolution very difficult yeah you follow me there

21:05
yeah because if we're just doing it out of reactivity yep you know you said that on

21:11
purpose yeah yeah then it's like well that's already starting in a you know a

21:17
negative trajectory at that point or an unhealthy you know transition and I

21:23
think you know that's an important part but I didn't mean interrupt but that reactive part keeps us from finding the conflict resolution sometimes yeah you

21:31
know in the process of the offense yeah and I think uh being offended is reactive I think that's the

21:39
that's the thing to accept and understand about being offended is that it is reactive um sure you're not

21:45
offended at something that doesn't exist it's therefore you are reacting to something that does exist and so it is

21:52
reactive um and the reason I'm saying that is because I think sometimes we think of reactivity as a negative thing

21:59
it's not it's not a negative thing it's just a reality um sure but turning you um allowing the whole

22:06
process to be reactive is where the problem is like um I think as Victor Frankle says in between stimulus and

22:14
response we have the power to choose our response sure right and so if we want if

22:21
we remove that choice and we just act according to the Rea you know the

22:26
reaction comes and we and then we react according to that that stimulus sure uh without the choice we are essentially

22:35
animals we're acting on animal Instinct and that's how animals act and but we

22:40
are not animals and that's the beauty of being God's creation he he made us in His image and therefore right between

22:47
then right between you know the thing that makes us you know flight fight or

22:52
flight in actual fight or flight we do have a choice to examine the thing sure

22:58
and decide should I fight should I flight or is there an alternate solution

23:03
here sure and I think um you know with being offended that is going if you're

23:08
anything like me and Mark and you get offended in the last week like that's something you have to learn and practice

23:14
right and I think I really appreciate the way you're setting that up even in that process because you know so often

23:20
different people will talk about you know you know lizard brain or you know you know and that and mamillion brain

23:26
you know in depending on your evolutionary pers perspective but you know from a from a design characteristic

23:32
I do think you know our primary function that fight ORF flight mechanism is designed to Keep Us Alive it's an

23:38
important factor and yet we don't always have to react with that yeah we can

23:45
recognize okay you know that you know the difference between okay uh a muffler

23:51
backfire and a gunshot right you know we can understand

23:56
how one one might make us react differently but they we they can both be

24:03
so similar but I think our you know so often our we have the ability to use our

24:08
other senses and process it and say okay no that was car was going by it's still

24:14
kind of running rough it makes perfect sense that was just a car backfiring you

24:21
follow me and I think when we when I think our senses are god-given in that

24:27
aspect to where that's that's our that's our warning sign in some ways that God

24:32
has given us yeah to be able to say okay I'm feeling a certain way I'm likely

24:39
about excuse me I'm feeling something and likely I'm going to be feeling a

24:46
certain emotion here shortly yeah and I think being able to make that

24:51
recognition to choose then I'm better equipped to be able to say okay what do

24:58
what do I want and I think you know you as you alluded to the clip you know so often the things that offend offend us

25:06
are the is is just conflict in general things that are arguable MH you know

25:13
because most things are you know depending on the people you're around you know some people just like to argue

25:20
for the sake of arguing they may not even necessarily agree or or not agree with I don't agree with

25:27
you like that's a perfect example but being able to recognize I

25:34
like you're saying I still have the choice to say okay am I going to be

25:39
offended by that because something arguable and I think you know would the

25:45
see I haven't learned how to make that choice H I haven't learned how to decide

25:50
well I guess I choose not to be offended there are certain things work to be done

25:55
but there are certain things you have learned to choose not to be offended by anymore sure is that fair yeah yeah

26:03
because uh part of part of what initiated our kind of the topic was this

26:09
aspect of a person wrote in and uh to a a person asking about being offended by

26:16
isn't it is it David yeah yeah yeah it's m Michelangelo's David

26:22
yeah where he's basically naked yeah and junk is hanging

26:27
out and a person was offended by that yeah and it's like in a classroom in a

26:33
classroom setting yes that was uh distracting and yeah yeah yeah and I and

26:40
I and I respected you know how the how the article was set up you know in this

26:46
process okay that is a choice that we have to be offended but can we remove

26:51
all art if you will all statues you know all of the Michelangelo Davids can we

26:59
remove them from our entire our existence poof po could you do a snap

27:05
your fingers what's his name than Thanos Thanos Thanos I mean even then you'd only lose half of it so still got to

27:12
figure out how to deal with the other half yes so yes certain things will offend us

27:18
and yes you have learned that you don't have to be offended by those things anymore yeah so I guess uh my

27:26
distinction there is that um I don't necessarily get to choose the

27:32
offensive the offended feeling but I do choose whether I you know act upon that

27:40
offense you know and I think that's for me a key distinction in the same sense that I don't necessarily get to choose

27:46
my emotion um but I get do get to choose what to do about the emotion sure um and

27:55
we can establish in some ways your sensation your emotion and what you want

28:03
are some of those non arguably in other words if you're feel I can't argue the

28:08
fact that your stomach just dropped and you or you felt that tenseness in your test that's something

28:15
only you can do there's no use at me arguing that point yeah let alone what that

28:20
feeling responded you know the response was that feeling reaction was that

28:25
feeling and there's likely something you want that that statue removed mhm you

28:34
follow me mhm those those I those are non arguably from my

28:40
perspective and I think it's an important thing to be able to say okay yeah that's where you're at

28:47
yeah and likely the fact that you know you felt unappreciated we can bring it

28:52
back to that Primal question I think in some ways you know those those are likely some of the basic

28:58
for that offense MH I felt unimportant I felt unloved I felt weak

29:08
yeah just had to throw that in there but you know in that process I felt like any

29:14
other number besides seven and therefore I felt weak ah there you go

29:20
sorry I put it out there I put it out there I set it up I put it on a yeah

29:26
yeah so coming back to the offense we can't necessarily remove

29:34
everything that offends us can I read that quote real quick of course yeah from that article this is your this is

29:41
your computer screen so yes right well it ties into what you're saying um the

29:46
art you know the article was kind of like uh ask whatever this guy is your questions kind of a Dear Abby of sorts

29:52
yeah thank you y um and he's like am I stupid you know the guy wrote it am I stupid for being offended by by this or

29:58
or is it realistic to expect you know to ask be able to ask them to take it down that kind of thing um he starts by

30:05
saying you're not stupid and you certainly don't have to look at it you don't even have to look look at anything

30:10
anywhere ever you could you could wear blinders or even fullon blind yourself

30:16
surgically or you could start a campaign to try and eliminate that particular drawing and every other drawing you

30:22
don't like from the face of the Earth it would take a lot of work and in the end you'd probably end up looking at

30:28
thinking about and obsessing over the image you're trying to get rid of more than ever ever before maybe eventually

30:35
you could figure out a way to never see it hear about it or think about it again or maybe there's another

30:41
way um and he goes on to you know discuss that yeah um and then later he

30:48
says so do whatever you really feel you should do here but be warned it's a slippery slope there will always be another poster or another experience or

30:54
another idea that offends you and I think you know even the fact that Mark

31:00
gets offended should be proof that you're going to deal with

31:05
offenses in your life like that's a reality that's just part of it um and I I I would say that's a big part of being

31:11
alive you know it's your senses interacting with the world around you and sure um some senses are good some

31:18
senses are bad she kind of boiled it down to I want to say five but it's like you know there's basically good feelings

31:24
and bad feelings and the bad feelings tend to push you towards you know being offended in some way I would argue good

31:31
and bad but yes I hear where you're coming from comfortable and uncomfortable probably than yeah it's a

31:37
good way to put it yeah yeah I guess uh I was thinking of the the smiley face and the happy face sure some make you

31:43
have the you know a a smile that's a aiming down and some make it ah aiming

31:50
up sure that's uh very simplistic yeah

31:56
there are other emotions that don't do either there's a oh surprise yeah yeah

32:03
get some emojis up in here oh there's one for every emotion so yeah and I think I the other part I liked about the

32:11
and you alluded to it too you know that uh what what is it about that thing that

32:16
tends to offend me and you mentioned you know that you know the fact that this person didn't like looking at David's

32:22
junk that kind of thing and I think you know even that is a that is a reflection

32:28
on you know what is it about that area you know or genitals if you will that

32:33
you know makes it offensive or junk or whatever you know in a in a artistic

32:39
yeah statuesque type yeah you know dynamic and I realize you know there again there can be a slippery slope

32:46
there as well you know yeah but being able to recognize okay what is it about

32:52
that that personally offends meh you know from in that that context yeah yeah

33:00
yeah and that's uh yeah that's a made me think of a rabbit

33:06
[Laughter] hole well you you're you're welcome to share the rabbit hole if you desire all

33:13
right uh I think about how some people get offended the most offended by the

33:18
things that they're secretly struggle with right so um um yeah I can think of

33:27
example from you know the church where um you know pastors would really rail against

33:35
um like uh adultery and that kind of thing and then but yet they have a secret um

33:42
words aren't coming to me but you get what I'm saying yeah words a fair yeah so it's like it's almost you're

33:49
overcompensating sure you know and so I think sometimes our offenses can be that and I know mine can be that where I'm

33:57
offended that you're trying to get attention that's that's what that's one that gets to me a lot someone's trying

34:02
to get attention I get offended like why are you trying to get attention it's like oh I know why cuz I want your I

34:09
want the attention you're getting sure you know as that approval addict it's like you know that um uh there's a

34:16
limited uh scarcity mindset right like you're getting what I now I can't get

34:21
what you're getting kind of thing if you're getting it I can't yeah yeah yeah yeah um so that's like the the bare

34:28
emotion you know like the raw thing that it comes down to a lot of times that's the thought yeah where I have to go oh

34:35
that's just my ugly give me that you know coming out again and I and and

34:41
again it so you once you kind of assess that on the scale and I go oh yeah a lot of that's just my Primal need for uh you

34:48
know people you know that sense of purpose I guess that was s yeah yeah

34:53
where it's like uh I don't know why I I feel like the whole approval thing

34:58
doesn't tie to the purpose it ties more to am I wanted which might be my wing I

35:03
got you thing you know like he talk he doesn't call it a wing he like your anagram yeah but he he has like he has a

35:10
term for the side ones okay like secondary question yep okay yeah I

35:18
forget what he calls it kind of like Love Languages you can have a primary love language but you might have a secondary one which you know that makes

35:25
perfect sense but anyway back to the thing uh about being offended when I look at the scale and I

35:32
go oh a lot of that's just my ugly Primal I want that I take that off the scale and it's left with you saying you

35:39
want that I'm like well I don't blame you so do I so have at it you know it's like the offense just kind of drops off

35:45
because I I can recognize we're in the same boat here sure you know what I'm saying yeah and you're you're you're

35:52
striving for this attention and maybe they are maybe they're not like that I'm saying worst case scenario you're

35:58
getting what I want to get sure so and that's that third part what do I want

36:06
you know yeah what do I want that's typically I'm offended when I'm not getting what I want yours might be

36:14
attention someone else might be control someone else might be power someone else you you follow me those things that I

36:21
want and I'm perceiving it in such a way that I'm not getting I'm not I'm not the

36:28
priority mhm you know you you just did something different and you know that

36:33
made me feel as if I'm no longer important you follow me that that

36:39
process so I'm not getting what I want at that moment and I think that's that's

36:45
an important part of that being able to recognize my awareness because what do I

36:51
do when I don't get what I want yeah I roll on the floor and pound my fist

36:58
nice yeah I do it works every time as long as everybody gets tired of

37:05
that behavior and they say okay you get your way right yeah no one challenges that behavior so far so good nice you

37:12
should try it you asked for tools I I did yeah I

37:18
didn't ask for the tools of a two-year-old but I asked for oh that actually is a good segue uh

37:26
I think um you CR we talk about a lot of our behaviors are our negative behaviors

37:32
are a result of learning how to deal with a problem when we were young sure an offense When We Were Young and we've

37:38
taken that same behavior into our adulthood Stress Management yeah but I'm saying yeah okay maybe but we're

37:44
basically the same habits that we had to deal with it when we were young like I want attention right like so I'm going

37:50
to be funny we bring you know you think about Robin Williams is a good example of that like um he learned to cope with

37:59
dysfunction in his home by being funny sure and if he could make his mom laugh you know things were light in the home

38:04
and he took that into adulthood and of course we all benefit it from it from a time but it also I think is partly what

38:11
took his life in the sense that he was always striving to solve the problems with being funny and he couldn't solve

38:17
all of life's Problems by being funny yeah to be able to process the emotion

38:23
underneath that that discomfort of being able to process those deeper harder

38:29
emotions like we're not necessarily positive or negative but you know comfortable or uncomfortable you know

38:36
happiness or you know that becomes that that comfortable emotion so I have to

38:42
produce that in order to minimize my stress over the more uncomfortable ones

38:49
where my needs might not be met and I think that's exactly what you know 1 Corinthians 13 talks about towards the

38:55
end around 11 or 12 where it talks about you know when I was a child I thought like a child I reasoned like a child but

39:01
when I became an adult I put my childish ways behind me and I'm willing to recognize we don't always put all of

39:07
those childish ways behind us often we don't I would say I

39:13
think not I mean we become adults and we learn so many ways we become mature but

39:18
there are often some Primal things we carry with us in adulthood which are still childish yeah and we don't put

39:25
those things away and I think where therapy can come in handy right like is to learn even that ability to process

39:32
right so whatever way you can get to that so therapy can help you get to that but also listening to how I see it can

39:39
help you get to that so you're welcome no uh you know programs like Celebrate Recovery or how we love or you

39:46
know sure anything that can make you kind stop journaling yes journaling yes

39:51
can be a strong yes anything that can help you to take in a step Imus and then

39:58
right between it do something about it anything that can coach you in that is going to be uh very helpful in helping

40:04
you put you know what self and others awareness as oh put that as far as

40:10
putting my childish ways behind me yeah that anything like that's going to help you get to that point because I think

40:17
what happens is and and I think your your uh your example of uh throwing a

40:22
temper tantrum and laying on the floor you know we all have these and patterns

40:28
that have been developed over time you know so what do I typically do when I

40:34
don't get that thing that I want or need yeah you know that's what that

40:40
becomes and so being able to say no I'm okay you know when I don't get what I

40:47
want and yet I can still communicate that I was disappointed mhm and that

40:53
doesn't mean I'm disappointed in you that just means I'm disappointed in that circumstance and therefore I did that

41:02
thing that sometimes I do yeah that's good I think one of the things I've

41:08
really learned over the last several years partly a lot from you uh also a

41:13
little bit from therapy and also a little bit from CR and stuff like that but really more from a therapeutic

41:20
perspective is prior to kind of understanding a lot

41:25
of these things my thought was anxiety stress anger whatever bad and

41:32
you've corrected that in this conversation many times which I just want to call out because it's so valuable to say it's not about bad or

41:40
good it's about Comfort or discomfort and so what what I've had to learn and

41:45
I'm slowly learning and it's still hard is that you're not going to eradicate the

41:51
discomfortable moments from your life there those things that offend you you you're I mean like that like he was

41:56
joking about you can't remove every offensive image from the earth or whatever you cannot get to a place of

42:01
Enlightenment in my estimation sure maybe maybe some monks have figured it

42:07
out I don't know cuz you know they're very we should talk about meditation at some point cuz there is some power in

42:12
that and I I don't want to take away from that and there's there's room there to grow in terms of how much offends you

42:19
and like how many sure of those um stimuluses impact you in a negative way

42:24
however that would be that awareness of where my sensation is yeah that would be the the beginning of that part but yes

42:32
however sorry did I break your Chain of Thought I apologize uh oh yeah yeah

42:38
so my whole idea was you could lessen minimize almost eradicate kind of those

42:45
negative impulses and you become this enlightened individ individual who

42:50
doesn't get you know bothered essentially and I think what I've

42:56
learned is that a lot of those things that bother you are neutral they can be helpful they

43:03
can be healthy they you know anxiety can teach you right that you you're it can

43:10
teach you many things it can teach you you're in danger for instance that's a good thing like if you feel anxiety

43:15
about walking down a certain alley at night or whatever that's probably a good healthy emotion to feel in the sense

43:21
that you should be alert you should be you know um yeah I think you I think that's a great awareness and I think you

43:28
know that's the beauty of seeing emotions as emotions because I would dare say you

43:36
know it's perfectly healthy to feel sad when I lose a loved one yeah you follow

43:43
me yeah and if I'm just if I'm just fighting that because I don't like

43:49
feeling sad MH then I'm ex you know exhibiting or I'm you know I'm dealing

43:54
with a lot of extra stress about the fact that I'm feeling sad when if I'm

44:01
just able to be in that moment and recognized I've lost someone who's

44:06
important to me and my ability to feel sad is just a testimony to the depth of

44:14
that relationship yeah that's a perfectly healthy thing to do and you should you should yeah yeah yeah and

44:22
that's true of all negative or uncomfortable emotions that there is a

44:29
place for them that's healthy yes anger also sure right yes um yeah I I think

44:38
kind of going back to what I saying the thing that I'm learning myself yeah and that's been a little bit hard to accept

44:45
but also good to accept is that there are certain Thorns of the flesh like Paul said where it's like you know I

44:51
really want those things comprom I don't want to be offended when someone's trying to get attention and I want the attention like that to me is so Primal

44:59
right I hear you and almost childish feels very childish to me and like I I want that to stop being a thing sure

45:06
like come on just come on that's silly you know and yet can't I haven't been

45:11
able to figure out how to prevent that initial thing like in certain Circ and

45:16
often too it's not just that singular thing it's a combination of events or ACC combination of things that have put

45:23
me in a certain point where I'm not at my best if that makes sense yeah does

45:28
that yeah it makes perfect sense and I here's another little tidbit if I may you know what you describe as childish

45:37
yeah I would flip that to a certain degree and and and look at it in the

45:42
aspect of okay I'm feeling childish how can I make it

45:47
childlike in other words when when I think we're able to look at it from a childlike I Think Jesus encourages a

45:55
childlike Faith you follow me and I think when we're able to look at it in a so do that

46:02
for me with example your example to to

46:07
look at it in a childlike manner would be almost to be able to say okay that

46:14
person likes to be affirmed just like I do mhm so we're all

46:20
childlike in this sense of being able to say oh it's that person's turn

46:27
that's cool they got the turn mhm and you know I mean that in in in some ways

46:35
flip flips the script yes in such a way some innocence to it flips the scale in

46:42
other words to be able to say yeah we all desire affirmation and that person

46:47
got their turn my turn's coming someday I don't know when it is but I hope the

46:53
people around me are happy when it's my turn mhm that they're not you know well

46:58
what did he do you know that childish perspective that the jealousy you know

47:04
crazy jealousy I'll call it but you know that aspect to where I think you know if we can kind of wrestle with that

47:10
childish versus child like mhm and and I think you know so often you know

47:19
those I think children do do it better yeah you know because I I think as we

47:25
age we find more things to be offended about mhm whereas you know children healthy

47:33
children you know they they have their needs met they rely on healthy parents you know in such a way that says oh wow

47:40
that's cool you know because we can almost see that childlikeness that has the ability to celebrate you know the

47:47
little things that isn't easily offended yeah you know because there's this

47:53
Security in that process so yeah yeah yeah that's good it's good stuff makes

48:00
sense it does yeah yeah yeah and I think you know our even as adults our ability to play is sometimes you know like even

48:08
frisbee you know were offended when I didn't necessarily get my way or I

48:14
thought somebody should do something differently but yet if I'm able to flip

48:20
that in such a way that says okay no that first person and and by the way I fell on you on Sunday and I do apologize

48:26
fall on you on Sunday it was like a feather Mark yeah well I'm glad but I'm

48:34
not offended by that you just call me a lightweight but that's

48:41
okay but I wouldn't have assumed that it it was funny cuz uh Leanne drew it to my

48:47
attention it's like you know you you just fell on him you didn't even put your hands down that's like I didn't

48:52
want to put my hands down cuz it was like where would I put them you know if I put them right on his face and I put

48:57
my weight it's like you know so it's like just lay out and the whole body goes down and so yeah I do apologize for

49:03
maybe that's why I'm Sor of this morning that's a good point they just caught up with you uh three days later give or D

49:10
the next after the next frisbee session yeah yeah it wasn't really last night it was it was residual from Sunday but I do

49:17
apologize for uh it's all good I'm not offended okay but that is a good segue first we can be you can get offended or

49:24
you can recognize this is a game yes uh which actually I'm trying to let's see

49:29
if I can stretch that analogy I think we can make that work in life too like let's make it less serious and say

49:36
remember this is all just a game in a sense of this is an opportunity to learn

49:42
and and grow and have fun um or this is serious and this is real life and this

49:47
is and it's like uh especially when you realize that like there's when you can

49:52
accept that there's a God of the universe he's your higher power and this whole thing under his control and I'm

49:58
just a character you know that gets to play the game sure um I think sometimes

50:04
I can help me too in the sense of um yeah just recognizing that this isn't so

50:10
serious because he's got this sure you know yeah it kind kind of coming back to

50:15
that comparison thing of like they're getting attention I'm not it's like you know that same idea of like well that's

50:22
that's his turn you know sure yeah on the game board you know yeah and that's okay

50:28
yeah got to mute my dings sorry about that if you thought that was your text message it wasn't it was mine but I'm

50:36
not going to look at it that's okay even if you did cuz mark would be offended no I wouldn't be offended our listeners

50:43
would be offended no no they wouldn't know you wouldn't even know I I would I would dare say I don't think I'm not

50:49
sure I was you you brought up technology and Technology I would consider myself

50:54
technologically averse offended but I'm not sure I'm offended I have to all right yeah I brought up emojis earlier

51:01
and I expected more of a a reaction by you like harumph oh yeah we just moved

51:08
on I said there's an emoji for every emotion yeah and I thought you would

51:13
take issue with that but I I realized there are multiple emojis where we had a

51:19
discussion the other day whether uh whether the praying hands is actually a high five oh so if you you know yeah so

51:29
if you look up I've never seen it used that way you've never seen high five no I've never seen the praying hands used

51:35
as a high five ah but you look them up it's it's uh if you try to look up one no I'm not saying I don't think anyone

51:42
ever has ever done it I'm saying in in my experience I oh you've never received a high

51:47
five using the praying hands there's also a fist bump one so got that one

51:53
feel free to send Justin the praying hands high five for anything he well cuz he likes the attention the Applause the

52:00
affirmation well I'll just assume you're praying for me or that you're thankful cuz that's the other thing too people

52:05
use it as like a thank you yep you know a thank you or a Praying yeah that's

52:11
been my experience Mark but I can't argue with your experience it's inarguable I've learned that

52:17
today high five yes so yes high five nice nice you have to hold it there

52:24
a second for it to match the emotion the Emoji yeah but see or is it just Frozen

52:29
in it's if it's frozen in time okay but so that being said we uh we hope this

52:36
has been a a helpful opportunity just to recognize that yes things will offend us

52:42
Y part of the human equation Y and yet what we do about that becomes a choice

52:47
and likely there is a there is something that I desire to change something I want

52:53
but yet another person may want that thing or just a different thing and

52:59
that's not always a a wrong thing it's just part of Being Human so got learn to

53:04
process it what fun we have and that being said this is how I see

53:10
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